Here are some tips on getting rid of the bad stress in your life.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff

You may have heard this saying before, but there’s a reason why it gets repeated. Keeping a healthy perspective about how important or unimportant certain things are can go a long way toward relieving stress. Stop and think about whether or not something is going to matter in ten years, five years, or next week!

For example, if you find the enormous load of laundry that never goes away stressful, think about whether it will make a difference in ten years whether that laundry is washed today or on some other day.

2. Adjust your lifestyle

It’s one thing to deal with stress that’s already in your life; it’s another to prevent it. Try making some changes to reduce stress before it happens. Some people find it helpful to make a schedule – instead of looking around and seeing more than you can do, make a realistic plan to get it done.

Things that need to be done seem less overwhelming when you know you are working on them. And on the days when you are not tackling that particular thing, you may feel more like you deserve or have “earned” a break, since you worked on it yesterday and will be working on it again another day.

3. Practice deep breathing

This can go into actual meditation if you like – meditation is said to relieve stress, too. But if you just want to practice deep, slow breathing, it can help relieve stress.

Breathe slowly through your nose and imagine filling up your whole middle with air; then release it slowly through your mouth. Repeat a helpful phrase or imagine a restful image while you do this, if possible. Some sources say this helps release toxins, too – they say that stale air left in the lungs may make you more prone to disease or infection.

4. Turn it off

Take some time to turn off the news, your cell phone, the radio, your land line telephone, and the computer. Sometimes, our sources of stress come from hearing about the suffering and difficulties of others. Hearing the news during the day or, perhaps worse, right before bed may add to your stress. Try turning off these sources of information for a little while each day.

In discussing what causes stress, it’s a good idea to take a look at just what stress is. Stress is not necessarily bad – it actually can keep you safe or save your life. For example, the stress you feel as you begin to cross an intersection and someone runs a red light is crucial to your fast, physical reaction – you slam on the brakes. Your body responds to the stressful situation with a “fight or flight” reaction, which makes your natural defenses kick in full-force.

Some types of stress help you do a good job at work or in some sort of performance or event. Chronic stress, however, which is more than just an incident here and there, can have a detrimental effect on health and emotions. In a nutshell, stress is the body’s response to intense or difficult situations. Those situations can be sudden and traumatic, or continual and subtle.

Here are some possible causes of stress.

1. Difficult relationships

Being “trapped” in a difficult marriage or familial relationship can be very stressful, and can become a source of chronic stress. Divorce is said to be one of the most stressful relationship situations that people can experience.

2. Retirement

Yes, retirement can be a stressor, according to some sources. While you won’t have work-related stress anymore, some people find the retirement of their spouse, for instance, very stressful – suddenly, their schedule is completely different. The retired individual may feel useless without a daily job to do.

3. Illness

Grave illnesses like cancer are very stressful for the sufferer and his or her family. It has been said that stress is “murder” on relationships, which may add additional stress to the illness situation.

4. Injury

Sustaining an injury can be a big stressor. Depending on the nature of the injury, your entire lifestyle may experience upheaval and chronic pain may be a factor. Intense pain, even if temporary, can cause extreme stress.

5. Perfectionism

Do you feel like everything has to be “just right”? For you, it may be very stressful when things aren’t perfect. And since imperfection is a big part of life, a perfectionist may find him or herself stressed chronically.

1. Let yourself feel the sense of loss, grief, hurt, anger, pain, or other emotions that the life change brings on. It may be a costly mistake in terms of your emotional and even physical health if you stifle your feelings, or tell yourself you “shouldn’t” be feeling the things you do. Go ahead and let yourself experience the emotions, and don’t judge yourself.

2. Don’t wallow in those negative emotions, either. While honestly experiencing those feelings is healthy, dwelling on them for a long time (years, perhaps) and allowing them to make you bitter and angry is not optimal. If you need to, seek professional help in letting those feelings go after experiencing them.

You might consider keeping a journal or doing artwork to get through the emotional difficulties. These creative activities can be helpful, because you have to “feel” the emotion to write, draw, paint, or sculpt; but then the feelings are worked out and transformed into something tangible.

3. Try to see the life change in a positive light. Go ahead and embrace the change rather than trying to hide or run from it. Accept it, and you may find a sense of freedom.

4. It’s okay to say “no” to some activities so that you can get some extra rest. Excessive sleeping can be a sign of serious depression, but getting some extra rest during a time of upheaval and change may actually be healthy and help you cope better.

5. Remember who you are. Your identity, interests, life goals, and so forth are important to remember during times of change. They are like your anchors. A life change may actually bring on a reassessment of these things, and that can be healthy, too. Maybe you need to face some fears and anxieties you have about change in general. Now is the time to do it.

Things to Avoid

It’s also worth noting some not-so-healthy ways of coping with life changes and the stress that may bring. Some destructive coping strategies to avoid include:

* Drinking alcohol
* Smoking
* Spending money on things you don’t really need
* Gambling
* Overeating
* Starving yourself
* Procrastination

1. Meditate

Meditation may help reduce stress, and it does not involve any medication. One of the nice things about meditation is the “me time” you get while practicing it. The meditation itself helps focus the mind and relax the body. There are various types of meditation.

Qigong is a form of Chinese meditation that emphasizes the “qi” – your life force or life energy. With calm, focused breathing you are said to achieve a peaceful mental state. Another technique is to repeat a mantra, a key phrase that you can say over and over to bring a sense of calm and peace.

One helpful form of meditation for chronic stress sufferers is “mindful meditation.” In this sort of meditation, you learn how to live in the present and focus on the now. This may help with chronic stressors that are long term, and that may seem overwhelming.

2. Stretching

Stretching is said to ease the tension out of the body. Combining stretching with meditation, as in Qigong and Yoga, can be especially beneficial, as both mind and body are targeted. Stretching helps relax tight muscles and realign the joints. You might consider Yoga or a martial arts class – being with other people and getting out may help relieve your stress, too.

3. Exercise

Stress is said to result in toxin build-up in your body, perhaps because of how it affects circulation and digestion. Exercise gets you blood moving, which aids toxin elimination. Exercise also strengthens muscles and moves the joints. All of this can help “work out” your stress, and minimize stress-related weight gain.

4. Herbal teas

Herbal teas are generally inexpensive and widely available. You can sip them throughout the day, at key points during the day, and before going to bed. Chamomile tea can be helpful, as can lemon balm or catnip tea. If you like, look for a tea made from a blend of relaxing herbs in your local grocery or health food store.

5. Eat well

Good nutrition is essential for dealing with stress. Vitamin C, magnesium, calcium, potassium, and Vitamin D are especially important in helping the body handle stress. Studies show that Vitamin C helps boost the immune system, and magnesium is important in muscle relaxation and nerve function. Calcium, potassium, and Vitamin D are vital for bone health and muscle function.

Consider taking a good-quality vitamin supplement, but also eat as many vitamin-rich foods as possible. Emphasize fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.

Stress and Kids’ Behavior

Sometimes, adults get caught up in correcting their kids’ behavior and fail to look for the reason or reasons behind it. Before correcting your child, consider some of these behavioral symptoms in the light of stress.

* Aggression – When your child is stressed, he does not know what’s happening to him. He “acts out” in response to his feelings. He may hit, kick, bite, or otherwise physically lash out.

* Anger - Anger often smolders under the surface, only to explode at something seemingly trivial. If your child exhibits anger that is beyond the scope of the problem (such as having a meltdown over not getting her sock on correctly), then this could be a sign of stress. This anger could also be the result of a behavioral or emotional disorder, for example. But stress should be considered as a possible cause.

* Bed-wetting – After the age of six or so, wetting the bed should be scrutinized as a possible sign of stress.

* Thumb-sucking – This is another behavior that should disappear during the preschool years. If thumb-sucking continues into gradeschool, it might be a sign of stress.

* Lethargy – Adults like to call this “laziness,” but sometimes the tendency to lie around a lot is a sign of stress. It could just be your child’s way of coping, or a manifestation of depression, another side effect of stress.

What Causes Stress in Kids?

One of the biggest mistakes adults can make is to think that kids have no reason to be stressed. Adults tend to think that childhood is carefree while stress sets in after age 21. While it’s true that kids don’t have to worry about paying bills, they do indeed have their own brand of stressors to deal with.

Children can experience stress from such things as family dynamics (divorce, fighting, tense relations between Mom and Dad, etc.), being bullied at school or harassed by a sibling, excessive homework, struggles with classes or subjects at school, certain teachers, and so on. Remember, your kids’ stress is likely to come from a source you are unaware of.

Help Them Cope

So what can you do if you suspect stress in your child’s life? Here are some ideas for helping them cope.

1. Don’t judge – listen to your kid’s feelings and try to help draw them out. Make it a safe environment – your child is a lot less likely to express her feelings if she thinks you’re going to yell at her or have a meltdown yourself.

2. Make sure you acknowledge your child’s feelings as valid. Try to avoid down-playing your child’s struggles, or see them only in the light of adult experience. Your child’s feelings are real, however irrational they may seem to you.

3. Identify the feelings. Your child may just be experiencing emotional and physical symptoms and not really know the connection between those and the stressors in his life. Help your child find words – let him know that the heart pounding and tummy aches may be caused by stress. Help define stress for him using terms and experiences he will understand.

1. Take an art class – Art therapy has been shown to help with stress relief. Being able to channel the internal emotions into an art medium can be very therapeutic.

2. Prayer, guided meditation and imagery – Experts say that 10 to 20 minutes of prayer or meditation each day can help reduce stress. Guided imagery also may be helpful, and can be included with prayer or meditation. You can find websites with stress-relieving images to click on, and there are other sources for guided imagery online and at your library. You may also choose to see a professional who can guide you through the imagery or meditation.

3. Go easy on yourself - Don’t engage in self-criticism. Repeat your mantra; say your prayers, meditation, or whatever you need to do to silence the “you’re not good enough” voice.

4. Learn to take a time out – When you are stressed, you may be more prone to angry outbursts. Learn to take a moment for a time out before responding to something that angered you.

5. Be unavailable – Sometimes it can be very stressful to feel like you always have to be there for others. At some point, it’s important to turn off your telephone(s) and close your email, and just be there for yourself. You can even choose a regular time to do this and inform your friends and family so they won’t be offended when you don’t answer your phone or email.

6. Breathe deeply – Often a component of meditation, learning to take slow, deep breaths may help relieve stress in and of itself. Deep breathing may help remove toxins and relax muscles. It also is said to calm the mind.

7. Don’t set the stage – Without meaning to, you might be setting the stage for everyday stresses. For example, if you don’t maintain your car, it may break down all of a sudden, making for a very stressful time. The same can be true of not taking care of your nutritional needs or otherwise neglecting your health. Getting sick can really add to stress, especially trying to make up for the time lost after you get better.

8. Keep a healthy perspective – Sometimes, you can get overwhelmed with stress when everything seems vitally important and must be done right now. Try to keep a healthy perspective on things, reminding yourself that a situation, decision, or “moment” may not really matter ten years from now.

-Eustress
This may be a new term to some. Eustress refers to “good” stress, or the kind of stress that actually enhances health and performance. This is the kind of stress you feel when you see your child about to topple down a flight of stairs, and it kicks your body systems into gear so that you can act quickly and efficiently to catch your child. Other ways that eustress manifests are in creative and athletic efforts. An artist who is driven by eustress becomes inspired and full of energy. An athlete gains excited energy and his or her body performs to its highest potential. Eustress is brief, intense, and does not wear the body out.

-Hyperstress
The prefix “hyper” denotes too much of something, or an excess of some sort – hyperactivity, hyperthyroidism, etc. Hyperstress is no exception. It refers to relentless stress that forces you to perform optimally and continually. It’s like being asked to give your all every minute of every day, and sometimes through the night as well. Hyperstress is not healthy, and can cause burn-out.

Hyperstressed people often feel tense and edgy. You may find that your emotions are always just below the surface and are easily provoked.

-Hypostress
The opposite of the “hyper” prefix, “hypo” denotes a lack, as in hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). If you are hypostressed, you don’t have enough stimuli. You’re bored and do not have much motivation. This does not mean you’re not doing anything; you just are not doing anything that interests or motivates you. For example, if you have a job that involves repetitive, mechanical action, such as on an assembly line, you may experience hypostress. Hypostress can make you feel restless, discontent, or apathetic.

-Distress
Distress is caused by a traumatic event or events, or some sort of negative environmental factor. It is sometimes used synonymously with anxiety. Distress itself is divided into two types: acute and chronic distress.

*Acute distress results from a perceived threat. It may be real, such as being physically attacked, or it may be purely psychological. Either way, the result is distress. It’s your response to being threatened. Acute distress can also be a reaction to a change or upheaval in your life. It is always temporary.

*Chronic distress is more on-going. It can result in illness and depression. It may still be caused by perceived threats or difficulties in the environment, but they are continual or frequent. Chronic distress can result if you are yelled at by your boss every day, for example, or if you are in a problematic marriage. Where acute distress is like a hammer blow, chronic distress is like a slow wearing down with sandpaper.

Cooking probably falls to you on any normal day, but the holidays are anything but normal. You’ll need help and that requires that some things are in place before you can do that. Keep reading to find help for your harried soul.

1. Get Organized – This is a toughie for most people because they don’t know where to begin. The preparation for a holiday meal actually begins weeks before. Right after Thanksgiving, begin making your list of holiday dishes you will prepare for Christmas Day dinner. Go through your cabinets to see what you need. Recipes that call for lesser used items are tops on the list, so you can begin finding those things.

2. Start Shopping – Most family meals require the same types of foods each year. Keeping your kitchen stocked with commonly used staples means not having to run to the store at the last minute. Buy these items for a start: all-purpose flour, sugar, milk, eggs, pasta noodles, baking soda, baking powder, salt. You can even buy meats and freeze them several weeks ahead of time. Around Thanksgiving, sweet potatoes, white potatoes and onions generally go on sale. These can be bought for a low price and they will keep until Christmas.

3. Cook some dishes ahead of time. If you get your Christmas shopping out of the way early, that leaves you with a lot of time leading up to Christmas Day. Use that time to prepare desserts and side dishes. Cakes can be made, cooled and frozen. Do as much of the prep work for cooking as you can in the two or three days before the meal. If you are making a casserole, cook the rice and refrigerate it until you are ready to put it all together.

4. Buy fresh vegetables a week ahead of time. The store will be pandemonium as you get closer to Christmas. Clean, chop them up and freeze them. Do the same with any fruits that you need to use for meals. A day or so before, let them thaw in the fridge.

5. Assign stations on Christmas Eve night. Let everyone know what they will be doing to help prepare the meal. That person is then responsible for cooking the turkey, slicing the cake, setting the table or cooking the vegetables.

There is no need to stress out over the Christmas Day meal. Get yourself going with these five tips so the work is easy to manage.

The holiday season is usually happiest for the participants and not the host or hostess. But, you can change that this year. When you feel the tenseness creeping up your body:

1. Practice breathing exercises. You’d be amazed how much this works. The brain needs oxygen; in fact it needs 20% more oxygen than the rest of your body. Deep breathing increases the flow of oxygen to the brain, allowing you to think more clearly. That seating arrangement problem for Thanksgiving dinner will seem to solve itself.

2. Designate a place to be your sanctuary. This is a good idea to get prepared before the holidays begin. It can be outside or inside so long as you can retreat there quickly when you need a moment to yourself. Fill the area with a candle, music player, a book and somewhere comfortable to sit. If you begin your holiday mornings here, the day may not seem so daunting after all.

3. Enjoy the great outdoors. Get out of the kitchen and away from holiday plans with a brisk winter walk. The cool, crisp air and exercise will give you time to clear your head. Take along a family member or two and catch up on old times. The holidays are for you to share in and have fun, too.

4. Make lots of lists. Lists seem to be highly underrated these days. A list gets things off your mind and in another location. On a piece of paper, you can delegate to others so that all the work doesn’t fall on you. Before everything gets rolling, create a list of chores, grocery store items, seating charts and anything else you can think of. Post them on the fridge or a cork board in the kitchen where you can check off tasks as they get done.

5. Watch a funny movie. Laughter truly is the best medicine. It increases the level of endorphins in the brain to create a feeling of calm in your life. De-stress the entire family by asking them to join you and your bowl of popcorn.

We often overtax ourselves during the holidays in an attempt to make things special for our loved ones. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, don’t forget about yourself and your enjoyment. Use these ideas to lessen the stress on yourself and get into the spirit of the season with your family members.

Children do not have the coping mechanisms, born of experience and maturity, that adults do. This is why seemingly small things can be very upsetting to children. So be patient and learn to recognize your kids’ stress and help them cope. Here are some things to look for and some tips on helping them deal with their stress.

-Physical Symptoms
Stressed children may exhibit physical symptoms, such as diarrhea, hives or rashes, restless sleep, changes in appetite, and /or nausea.

-Emotional Psychological Symptoms
A stressed child may exhibit depression, excessive sensitivity, or social withdrawal. Stressed kids may be aggressive or have angry outbursts.

So if you see these symptoms in your child, what can you do? It’s tempting to do nothing. Parents may think it will go away on its own, or that their child will outgrow it. But stress needs to be confronted and coped with so that it does not become entrenched in your child’s thought and behavior patterns. Here are some things you can do.

-Listen
Really listen. You may ask your stressed child what’s wrong, or why he is acting a certain way, and you may not get an answer. Or you get an answer like “Nothing.” But really listening means paying attention to your child’s words and body language even when they don’t know you’re watching. Certainly asking your child what is wrong is a good thing to do; it shows you care. But don’t interrogate her, or expect your child to be able to verbalize exactly what’s occurring in her life and how it’s affecting her. Even some adults have trouble with this. So try to “read” into the passing comments, complaints, and body language of your child.

-Express Empathy
If you express empathy, it shows your child that you do notice and understand. Verbally expressing empathy can also help your child build a vocabulary to explain his stressful feelings. You might say, “I bet it hurts your feelings when people call you names. It hurts mine, too,” and share an experience from your past.

-Help Your Child Be Proactive
Work with your child in finding solutions to his stress. Sit down and make lists of things he could do, such as writing a letter to the stress-causing person or cutting back on some of his extra-curricular activities. Let your child know that she does not have to be doing something 24 hours a day to have personal worth. She has worth because of who she is!